Kevin's Dating Profile | Yes, really.

I'm Kevin :)

Was this really made for online dating!?

In short....yes. Long answer: I'm studying website development and one of my projects is to make a portfolio about myself. I enjoy being silly so why not a website that I can share on my profile? Hopefully this gives you a taste of who I am, makes you smile a bit, and helps you figure out who the Zodiac Killer is.

Okay — now what?

Learn more about me by scrolling down! View the 'Meeting Kevin POV Simulator', see my interests, learn what others have said about me, and then fill out some information below if you like what you see 😉. By the way, if you would like some chill tunes while you browse -- click/tap on the website title!

Meeting_Kevin_POV_v4.2.exe

Using quantum calculations, engineers at Enron have created software using complex dynamic algorithms to show you what it would look like from your own POV (Point of View) when you meet with Kevin. Simply select the randomly generated scenarios below to see what it would look like:

Having dinner with Kevin.

Kevin drinking Hidden Valley ranch for dinner.

Kevin showing you his jiu-jitsu skills.

Kevin scared shitless because a gun is being pointed at him.

Farting in front of Kevin and he pretends not to notice.

Kevin trying not to throw up after smelling wet farts.

In bed next to Kevin while he sleeps after he watches anime.

Kevin sleeping with an eyemask like Kakashi sensei .

Kevin and his huge cock.

More About Kevin

Here are some things I like.
Tap an item for more details!

Here are some things I like.
Hover over an item for more details!

Kevin smiling and showing his teeth spinning infinitely

Interests

Empathy
I spent a lot of time recently on finding a mental balance within myself and it led me to accept my empathy a lot more. I will now openly admit that I cry in movies, and it feels good. 😭
Eating/Food
I used to be fat so I have a love/hate relationship wtih food. "Please be inside me all the time but please don't make me too fat."
Sci-Fi Stories
Bladerunner, Dark Matter (Blake Crouch), Akira, Ghost in the Shell (anime), and Ender's Game (book) are some of my favorite stories. Always open to suggestions.
Martial Arts
I have trained BJJ for around 5 years and have been watching MMA for around 7 years. Martial arts is the only sport I really have time to watch as well.
Art/Design
I don't have a favorite artist but I really enjoy looking at and learning about art and design. I didn't grow up as a creative kid but I sure embrace it now.
Microsoft Office 2006
📎 Clippy disappeared in 2007 and I still need Clippy to help me write material...📎
Masturbation
Shit, how did this get in here!? Why can't I delete this either? What the f

Kevin looking surprised spinning infinitely

Hobbies

Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu
Training for about 5 years now. Yes, I can show you BJJ on a first date. Closed guard can be optional.
Cooking
I lost a lot of weight by learning how to cook and measure food so it gave me a lot of opportunities to learn about cooking. Favorite thing to cook? Slow cooked stews or a simple creamy scrambled egg with all the fix'ns.
Techno/Raves
Been going to underground warehouse techno shows in LA and I'm in love with the energy and music. I do worry about someone smashing my car windows when parking in suspicious areas but uhhh worth it!!
Dungeons & Dragons
I roll dice and roleplay pretending to be fantasy character in a made up world up for fun. I typically don't like to brag, but I'm level 2 ;)
Yoga
I currently only do 10-15 minutes of yoga every morning through a Yoga app but it has really assisted me in my emotional and mental health. Would love to do yoga with others one day.
Reading
Big fan of reading a good novel but unfortunately have not had the time for it...been making dumb websites instead. Crime & Punishment, Machine of Death, Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World, Game of Thrones, Ender's Game, and Dark Matter are some of my favorites.
YouTube
Sometimes I go down a deep rabbit hole of YouTube genres. Microbes growing in jars? Check. Eating old MREs from the 60s? Check. Kpop reaction videos? Check.

Kevin holding his breathe spinning infinitely

Foods

Pizza
🍕 How could you not? Pepperoni, mushrooms, jalapenos, and olives are my toppings of choice. 🍕
Bánh mì
A Vietnamese sandwich — has a lot of nostalgia for me since this is one of my favorite childhood treats. Will you be my dac biệt lady?
Tres leches cake
I'm on the hunt to find an amazing tres leches cake. Please inquire if you know of one!
Shishito Peppers
I love me some sweet and mildly burning Japanese peppers. Especially great when blistered and mixed with miso.
Burritos
One of my favorite late night treats. I love Mexican restaurants that close late and fulfills that hungry late night stoner in me.
Sushi
Sushi is basically tiny bite-sized rice bowls and I love rice. I'm sure you can understand why.

Kevin smiling with no teeth holding spinning infinitely

Creatures

Dogs
Family has a dog and I used to be a dog-daddy with my ex. Unfortunately I don't see my dog-daughter anymore but she will always be in my heart. 💖
Cats
I've always been a fan of cats since they can simultaneously be cool and cute.
Octopuses
..or Octopi? They can change their body to hide among the environment, recognize people, use tools, and are overall just really cool intelligent creatures.
Elephants
I've seen videos of elephants that remember people and express a bunch of human emotions like sadness and happiness. That's pretty rad.
You 🙃
😉😉 Teehee. 😉😉

Reviews

Unfortunately, we couldn't get real people to send reviews in time so instead we created an advanced AI to generate what people WOULD say about Kevin. Using advanced Turian technology, the AI analyzes real human language to determine what actual human reviews of Kevin would say with an accuracy rate of 16%. Please enjoy:

Link to a Clippy from Microsoft offering help on how to flirt with a guy.

Kevin peeking left and right at the bottom of the screen

Kevin‎‏‏‎'s Dating Profile

I'm Kevin :)

Was this really made for online dating!?

Okay — now what?

Meeting_Kevin_POV_v4.2.exe